BY LINDSAY BRISCOE
The tradition of costumes on Halloween began in ancient times when the Celts would mark the end of their calendar year with the celebration of Samhain on Oct. 31 – a time when they gave thanks for the year’s harvest, feasted and danced around bonfires through the night.
Sometimes men would dress as women and women as men to mark a “temporary breakdown of normal social divisions,” but mostly – as a way to confuse or ward off the ghosts of their dead ancestors – people decked themselves out in the skins of dead animals.
Somewhere along the way, in the last 2,000 years or so, Halloween costumes have become a lot less bulky and smelly and lot more, well, sexy. The freakish ghoul mask and flowing black cloak of years past has made way for short skirts and animal ears.
It seems everyone I know has got an opinion about sexy costumes – that Halloween is not the right time for them or that they’ll be the demise of our teenage sons and daughters – yet every year the sexy Halloween costume gets sexier. And stranger. Sexy Pokemon? Sexy Bin Laden? I’m perplexed.
But I suppose if manufacturers are going to keep pumping out the sexy costumes and people are going to keep buying them, then I suppose we should just accept that
someone somewhere will always show up to a Halloween party dressed as French maid or a cutesy ranch hand.
But that doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t have some fun in the meantime!
So, here you go: A short list of unconventionally sexy costumes, perfect the northerner who’s just plain sick of the status quo.
A window-scraper: We all know what it’s like to bundle up on some of the coldest mornings of the year and shiver in the driveway, chipping away at a thick layer of ice on our car windows, all the while cursing our neighbours who got command start for Christmas last year. But just think: scraping is hard work and hard work is sexy! Plus, you already have the entire costume hanging in your closet and you can use the scraper itself as a prop. (Think: Miley Cyrus in Wrecking Ball). If you don’t get the reference, don’t worry, it’s really better off that way.
A giant breakfast skillet: Us northerners know how to eat! There’s nothing that screams “sexy!” more than a bed of hash browns, topped with a couple eggs just the way you like them and a few slices of beloved bacon all cooked to weekend morning perfection. Pick up a few sheets of bristol board and a pair of scissors and go nuts.
Yourself, going through a R.I.D.E check: It’s so sexy when people try to keep a straight face, don’t you think? And this costume requires absolutely zero assembly! Just make sure to master your innocent face.
A Timbit: The possibilities are endless: Honey Dip, Old Fashioned Plain…I mean, what could be sweeter…or sexier?
The stop light: You’re one of a kind. That’s so sexy.